He rolled over on in the bed as the phone rang for the 4^th consecutive time. He couldn’t ignore it again, it seemed whoever was calling was very persistent. Reaching for the phone he laid turned to lay on his back as he placed the receiver to his ear.

          “Hello?” His voice was wary. Arching his back in order to get out the kinks he barely was able to hear the person on the other side.

          “What? Hello? Speak up I can’t hear you.”

          A panicked feminine voice whispered, “Saint?”

          He sat up immediately, “What’s wrong?” Immediately he tried to reach for Joce but stopped when the voice spoke again.

          “S-Saint?” This time the voice sounded as if it was about ready to cry.

          “Baby, what’s wrong?” No answer. Saint started to grow impatient, “Honey, tell me what’s wrong?”

          “I-I can’t.” The voice whispered back making it near understandable.

          “Jocelynn, tell me what’s wrong? Is it something with little man?” Saint was beginning to panic, “Are you okay? Is our son okay?”

          Suddenly the voice changed to one very familiar as she spoke very clear, “So it’s true. Well, I wouldn’t know if your son is okay, SAINT, we really need to talk.”

          Saint fell back against the head board, his heart slamming in his chest. He knew that voice very well, as well as he knew Joce’s. He tried to swallow but his throat closed up as his heart beat louder in his ears, he could barely get out the words to speak.

          “Don’t.” He pleaded, “Not for me, or Joce, but please think of him. He’s just a little boy. He doesn’t need this. He doesn’t know.”

          A soft, short laugh flowed into his ear, “Don’t worry. I wouldn’t do anything like that. And I’m not going to black mail you if that is what you are thinking. Actually someone is trying to blackmail us. Look, I don’t know what went on and honestly it’s not something that I plan to focus. You had an affair, and we didn’t work out anyway in the long run. But listen to me if there is a child involved we need to push aside all the past and focus on how you, Joce and I are going to handle this together.”

          “Someone approached you?”

          “Yes, inadvertently. I was mailed a small box that held two letters and a handful of pictures of the child along with a note stating that if I didn’t pay them 20,000 dollars by Friday that it was going to the press.”

          “I’m so sorry. You have to believe me, K-“

          “I already said it’s not something  I want to talk about, lets just put it as the past. But you need to get a hold of Joce and let her know what is going on. I need go, I will see you tonight. Bye.”

          “Bye.”

          He dropped the cellphone out of his hand and closed his eyes, rubbing his hands up and down his face. With a grunt he threw his legs over the side of the bed, intent on finding Jocelynn.

 No this wasn’t happening.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

          Standing outside the small ranch style house, Nick ran a hand thru his hair, suddenly finding himself nervous and unsure. He had spent the entire evening at the bachelor party thinking of what he wanted to say to China, coming up with multiple scenarios that could occur, but no matter what he came up with it always had the same ending of her shutting the door in his face. Raising his hand once more to the door, Nick took in a deep breath and dropped the hand back to his side, turned around and headed to leave.

          He just couldn’t do it, no matter how much he loved her, loved Brennen, he just couldn’t bring himself to knock on that door to face her. The thought of rejection, the fear of it was just to great. More then anything he wanted to swallow his pride, walk up to the door and knock until she talked to him, even if he had to wake up the whole neighborhood. But no, he couldn’t do that, there was no way Nick could willingly put himself in that situation. What if she said no, or laughed in his face or worse… told him that he had been nothing to her, God that was a thought to shudder at. He had been told it before, in fact not too long before he met China.

          Sitting on the bottom step of the porch, Nick buried his face in his hands.

          “Nick, you need to stop beating yourself up about this.” He could hear Jocelynn’s words from the first night they met in his head. Suddenly he was back in that hotel room in Green River, Wyoming. Laying next to Jocelynn in the large bed of his hotel room, looking into her honest eyes.

          “Seriously, Nick. There are some people in the world who thrive on using anything to hurt someone else. Your ex, well, she sadly is that kind of person. She is so miserable with herself that she finds pleasure in using personal things to hurt you. You’re not ugly, you are far from stupid and believe me Nick you are not worthless.”

          “I know this. I hear what you are saying and I know that you are right, it just still hurts. I tried to go on, but I can still hear those words in my head to the point I think I am losing my mind.”

          Jocelynn sat up cross-legged her hair falling around her shoulders and in her face. Nick reached up and brushed a strand away while she began to speak, “Let me tell you something, I’ve been there. I know similar to what you are feeling. I won’t say I know exactly what you are going through because I’m not you, I haven’t lived you life or know your heart. But I have an idea. Joe, my ex-husband was the same way as she was. He would use anything to hurt me. His favorite was saying if I ever left him, he would take away Drogyn from me.

          “Granted it was a load of shit, we both knew that because of his job and history there was no way a court would award him with sole or full custody. It was just the thought of me not having my son, my very reason for living, that hurt and he knew it. It took a while for me to realize that the reason why he would say things like that was because he was afraid of me leaving with Drogyn because he had the most to lose, not the other way around. And once I realized that he was only feeding into his own self misery I found that I was the stronger one. I wouldn’t let him get the satisfaction of hurting me. I would be one step ahead. And that’s what you have to do Nick. Be one step ahead of your ex, because that’s the only way you can move on. Be one step ahead and never look back.”

          Nick pulled Joce down next to him, “Now explain to me why we don’t hook up.”

          Joce laughed as she snuggled against him, “Because you are way to tall for me. Plus, I’m not all that into blondes.” She laughed, “But I do have a friend that you might like if you are willing enough to try again. Her name is China.”

          Nick looked up at the sky, remembering Jocelynn’s words. Just be one step ahead and never look back. Quickly standing up Nick turned back for the front door and once again raised his hand.

          The door open and a soft voice came from the female shadowed in the doorway, “I was hoping that you were going to come.”

          “China.”  Her name sighed from his lips and then he forgot why he had been so afraid.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

          Alex tightened his grip around Jocelynn’s wrist when she refused to answer him. Pain and anger rippled through out him as he watched her look away from him at the floor when he yanked the container from her hand. Opening it he looked at the many pills that were missing and heard the echo of her voice.

          “I will be back in an hour or so. I made a doctor’s appointment to get the Depo Shot.” She said, placing her wallet in her back pocket and zipping closed Drogyn’s small back pack, “We will meet up with you at the sound check.”

          He had sat up from leaning back on the bed with a sleeping Drogyn nestled in the crook of his arm. “Why don’t you leave lil man here, since he is asleep. I can take him to the sound check with me in an hour.”

          Joce paused for a moment as she pulled a black baseball cap onto her head and pulled the back part of her ponytail through it, “Um, well. I was going to have the Doctor give Drogyn his yearly check up. He needs to have one before he starts his 3 year old pre-school program after the wedding with Juaquin.”

          Leaning back against the headboard of the bed, Alex thought about it, “Do you really think that he needs to start school this early? I mean you and I didn’t start till Kindergarten and we are fine?”

          Joce nodded, “True, but Drogyn does have a slight speech delayment plus he needs the socialization. I mean, he really hasn’t had much child contact so far, and I don’t want him to have any problems making friends as he becomes older. Plus it’s only 3 times a week for a few hours.” Throwing the backpack over her shoulder, she moved over to his side of the bed and kissed him on the forehead, “I promise, we won’t be long. Just going to get the ‘No-Baby’ shot and be right back here.”

          “Okay,” Alex conceded, lifting the sleeping toddler up into Jocelynn’s arms so that Drogyn’s head rested on her shoulder, “I love you.”

          “I love you too, Alex.” She replied as she turned and headed to the door.

          Alex pulled himself out of the memory and back to reality. She lied to him. Even though he did not know much about birth control, something did not make sense about a doctor putting a woman on the pill after administrating a shot that would work for 3 months. He felt his teeth grinding painfully together, his eyes stared intently at her, unwilling to release her from his visual or physical grasp.

          “Answer me, Jocelynn.” He growled once more.

          He saw her flinch against the venom in his voice, and hoped that it inflicted even a 10^th of the amount of pain that he felt at this moment. The betrayal, the lies, what else had she lied about.

          Her voice was timid and weak when she finally spoke up, “Yes, it’s birth control.”

          Brown velvet eyes narrowed on her auburn hair that hung over her slumped shoulders, “Why are you…” He trailed off, the words unable to form on his lips.

          Knowing what he was asking, Joce still refused to look up at him but knew she needed to be honest with him, “Because I never got the Depo Shot. I have been on the pill for the past year.”

          “Then where did you and Drogyn go that day?” Alex demanded to know, his mind reeling with all the possibilities. “I want the truth, Damnit.”

          He watched intently as her soft tongue swept slowly across her bottom lip still swollen from his kisses only a few hours ago. How was it possible that they would go from infinite lovers to fighters in only a moment and still his body would react to hers.

          “I-I—“ She started out, but found her heart pounding in her head to hard. Taking in a slow breath. “I was at the courthouse.”

          “What for? What was so important that you couldn’t even tell me?!” His voice snapped at her.

          “It was something personal, between Joe and I. Alex, let go of my wrist, you’re hurting me.”

          Alex let go of her immediately, shocked that he had forgotten he still held her wrist. But his anger wouldn’t even let him see past the situation enough to notice or care around the large red and blue marks around her wrist from his fingers digging into her skin.

          “Joe.” Closing the birth control case he then set it back on the nightstand.

          Her head nodded vigorously while she rubbed her wrist with her free hand.

          “What is going on?”

          Green eyes finally jerked up and finally dared to look into his own. He could see the turmoil within her, anger, protection and fear all mingled in her large eyes. But still she refused to answer him.

          “Damnit, Jocelynn. I fucking deserve to know. Tell me the truth. If it involves you and Drogyn it involves me. Or am I just the guy you are fucking!”

          Joce’s body jerked back as if he words had been direct hits to her, “No, Alex. You’re more then that to me, you know that. It’s just that… Joe…”

          “Spit it out, Joce or I will make you!” He growled.

          Jocelynn’s eyes deepened more green and he could feel her energy shift, there was no more confusion within her, now she was just plain and simply mad as all hell. He watched as her head tilted up and her fist clenched at her side when she stood up from her place sitting next to him.

          “Don’t threaten me, McLean.” Her shoulders set and she held his gaze, “I did not leave one bullying relationship to enter another.”

          Realizing his mistake, Alex felt the color fall from his face, “Joce, I’m sorry. It’s just. Jocelyn… I need to know.”

          Closing her eyes, Joce let her temper cool down before the explained, “Joe filed for a paternity test. That is why I took Drogyn with me, so they could get samples from both of us.”

          “Wait a minute, Joe wanted a paternity test?” Alex couldn’t believe it. Why on earth would anyone want a paternity test on their child, unless…

          “Drogyn isn’t his.” He answered himself.

          “No, he’s not.” Joce confirmed, “But it’s not like I lead Joe on all these years, Alex. You have to believe me, I am not that kind of person. Joe knew from day one that my son was not his. He just wanted to claim us both. In his sick way that was how he saw as his only opportunity to have a wife and a child.”

          He was silent for a long moment, taking her words in. There was no way in his heart that he could honestly believe that Jocelynn would have willingly cuckolded Joe into marriage. She hated him then just as much as now. But that just left one plaguing question in his mind.

          Forcing himself to ask was the hardest thing, “Who is Drogyn’s father?”

          Jocelynn’s eyes watered, “I can’t tell you that.”

          “Why not?” Alex thought of all the reason’s that Joce would chose not to tell him. “Do you know who the father is?”

          “Yes! How can you ask that of me?”

          “I’m sorry Joce. I am just trying to figure out why you won’t tell me.”

          “Because I promised Drogyn’s father that I would never reveal his identity.”

          “What is he married or something? Are you hiding from him? Did he abuse you?!”

          “No,” Jocelynn was able to answer honestly.

          “Then why wouldn’t he want to claim his child? Why would he let you marry someone else and have that asshole be called dad by your son?” thousands of questions swarmed his head at once.

          “I don’t know why.” Joce answered, “But I respected his choice. I still do and I made a promise that I have no intention of breaking.”

          “Not even to me.” It was not a question, he knew the answer. “Can I know just one thing? Have you seen him since you and I have been together?”

          Jocelynn felt a shudder rake her body, she didn’t want to lie to him again, “Yes, but just to discuss what to do about the situation with Drogyn.”

          He was silent, trying to keep his jealousy down. “And what did you come up with?”

          Jocelynn took a seat on the couch behind her, “That nothing would change. Drogyn would stay with me and he will live his own life.”

          “Is that what you wanted?”

          “No, I want my son to have his father in his life, but I must respect Saint’s reasons for choosing not to be in his life.”

          “Saint? That’s his name?” Alex perked up trying to place where that name might have come up before, but could not find it in his memory.

          Joce bit her lip, “Sort of. That is what I call him. Alex, I am sorry, but I cannot tell you. Please understand that I was and am trying to do what is best for Drogyn. I love you, but my son and his well being must come first.”

          “I know, it still hurts though.”

          “Alex, I love you. You have to believe me, that I didn’t tell you right away because. Well how the hell do you tell someone, ‘I am going to take my son for a paternity test because my ex husband isn’t his real father. Oh, and I can’t tell you who the real dad is because I made a promise to him.’ It’s not exactly a conversation starter.”

          A small grin formed on his lips as his muscles relaxed, “I guess so.” He agreed then opened up his arms and pulled her to him. “I’m sorry, baby. I am just afraid of losing you I guess. I mean this ‘Saint’ must have meant a lot to you if you cared about him enough to let him walk away from Drogyn. But I won’t do that to you Joce.”

          Jocelynn snuggled in his arms, unable to stop thinking of Saint, “It was for the best.” She said out loud, more for her benefit then his.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

          Saint watched Alex pull his Angel across the bed and into his arms. He stood outside in the shadows of the trees in the Dorough’s backyard, listening to the last part of their conversation floating out into the night from the half open window. She hadn’t betrayed her promise to him, not even to Alex. And even though Alex probably thought it was just her integrity that kept her from saying the truth, he knew the truth. Jocelynn was still in love with him. As much as she denied it to him, he knew it to be the truth. He had known since he held her once again in his arms that day in his living room. Ever since that after noon even the thought of her lips would send his blood boiling and his body hardening. For 3 months he was forced to go to bed alone while Alex got to hold her in his arms and make love to her all night.

          “Soon.” He drawled again to himself. Soon she would be his again, he was her true Amado and would wait forever for her. His love was patient, kind and everlasting.  He watched as her eyes opened and started out the window from over Alex’s shoulder and knew she could see him.

          Joce, we have an emergency. We need to talk alone and now.

          Her eyes widened, knowing it was the truth and it was serious if Saint took a risk of coming to her this late at night, knowing Alex was with her.

          “Why don’t you go back to bed. I am going to change and go for my morning run.” Saint listened to her voice as she spoke to Alex who just nodded his head in agreement and turned over in bed to fall asleep.

          Saint stood outside for 5 minutes after Jocelynn turned off the lap in the bedroom