*This is for my Kare-Bear(my Frack)..to China (Mom) and Amber (Amberlishious) thanks for the inspiration, the love and the laughs. Without you this series never would have made past the 4th chapter of the 1st book. Much less the 15th of the second. And to all the readers... Thank you for the support, luv you all.*

     Sitting at the table China watched as Kevin and Jocelynn danced across the dance floor of the beautiful restaurant. Something inside her just rubbed her the wrong way about seeing the two of them together dance so close and talking privately. If you didn't know any better you would think that they were just another couple.

     "Chi? Chi.. Hun you there?" Nick caught her attention waving his hand in front of her face. They were the only ones at the table. Everyone else was out on the dance floor, even Alex who was dancing with Kara and Taz, who Kevin had invited along with, "China, is something bothering you? You've been staring at Joce and Kev for a while. Would you like to go out and dance? Or talk?"

     "Actually can we talk privately?" China asked leaning toward him.

     "Of course, what is on your mind."

     China leaned over so that they faces were close so that no one else would hear them if anyone walked up. "Um you know how earlier I asked about Kev and Kris?"

     Nick nodded, "Yea, what about it?" he asked taking a sip of his beer.

     "Well, I ah. I saw Kev kiss Joce."

     Nick nearly choked on his beer, "What?!" He said a little loud, then he said, "Are you sure?" in a whisper.

     "Well yea! I mean, I went to Jocelynn's trailer to check on her, you know after last night and I saw her laying back into Kevin. They were on the couch, talking about him and Kris and her and Alex. Next I saw Kevin tilted her head to his and he kissed her."

      "Wh- what kinda kiss. Like a quick peck or what?"

     "Like this, " China said as she leaned forward and kiss Nick on the lips like Kevin did to Joce. It was soft and only 4 seconds. "It was like that." She said pulling away.

     Nick let out a sigh as he ran his hands through his hair. Taking a quick glance at Kevin he turned back to China, "Phew, Chi, I dunno what to tell you. I mean, you should talk to Joce about it. But I mean I know Kev, I know he loves Kristin more then anything. It might just be nothing."

     "I guess so, it's just that. I dunno. I am just worried about Jocelynn. She is so stressed from the shit with Alex and the shit with her ex-husband. Not to mention I know she is missing her son. Your right, I am probably worrying for nothing." China agreed as she sat back in her chair as Jocelynn and Kevin walked back to the table laughing.

     "I am sorry but there is no way, Kevin. We wouldn't be able to pull it off." Jocelynn laughed as she sat in the chair Kevin pulled out for her, then took the set next to her. Both were across from China and Nick at the long table.

     "Whatcha laughin' about, guys?" Nick asked.

     " I told Joce that since we go back on tour in what 3 weeks that she should come with so we can work on her debut album. But she insists on waiting, even though I have seen that notebook of hers and know it has enough songs ready for an anthology." Kevin laughed.

     China raised an eyebrow, "He has seen the notebook?"

     "Seen, took, same difference." Kevin admitted, "I borrowed it for a while."

     "You stole it. In fact I know that you were the one who nabbed it while it was taping earlier." Joce accused, "I know it was you!"

     "Anyway, come on Joce. If we are going to get your album out we gotta work on it eventually." Kev said trying to be serious.

     "Oh really, and where would I stay?"Joce asked, "See you didn't think about that. Plus what am I gonna do when you guys are on stage?"

     "Hang out with China." Nick piped in, receiving 3 gazes, "What?"

     "You want me to come with you?" China asked quietly.

     Nick blushed slightly, "Well yeah, I mean if you want to..."

     Jocelynn looked at Kevin and they both rolled their eyes, "You're going!" They said in unison, and started laughing all over again. Jocelynn stood up and readjusted her pale pink dress. "If you will excuse me, I have to use the rest room." She said.

     "Hey, hold on I will go with you." China offered walked away with her. Once the girls made it into the restroom China checked to make sure it was only them in there. As they stood in front of the mirror they each  did touch ups to their hair and makeup. "I-ah- I saw something earlier." China said as she recapped her lipstick.

     "Really? What?" Jocelynn asked as she put on a lil more mascara.

     "Um, I saw you and Kevin in your trailer. I saw the kiss." China said meekly, afraid to meet Joce's eye contact in the mirror.

     Jocelynn froze for a moment then looked down as she closed her mascara, "Oh, you saw that."

     "I am sorry Joce, I wasn't spying. Okay yes I was, but I was coming over to see what you were up to and I heard voices. I thought that it was you and Alex, but-- Joce--" China hurried trying to explain, fearing that Joce was going to freak out.

     "Chi, look. It's okay, " Jocelynn said as she turned to her. "Here let me explain. Kevin and I knew that we would be having this issue with people anyway. Ok, Kevin and I are not into each other that way at all. I mean we have become best friends really. The kiss was only that, a kiss. Nothing more. We are just there for each other, he is going through a hard time with his marriage, I know what that is like. Ya know? Kevin is a wonderful man, and I do love him dearly but not the way I that love--"

     "Alex?" China added, Jocelynn closed her eyes not wanting to answer.

     "Kevin's been there to listen to me too. I swear, I couldn't do that to Kevin, Kristin or even Alex. You know me, China. I have never been that way. It's just that he and I need each other to help each other through this. I have been down the same broken road he is on right now, and it's the same way for me. We each have been through each others issues and are helping. That is all, no sex, nothing."

     China hugged Jocelynn tightly, "I know, it's just that. I dunno, I was just nervous. I guess I didn't realize that you two would connect on that level. I am sorry."

     "Hey, don't be. Just do me a favor?"
 
     "Sure, what?"

     "Help me get my notebook back before he makes copies of it."

                                  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

     Alex made his way across his bedroom, everyone had called it a night at 10ish, all still tired from the shoot and the party. Jocelynn had come back with Nick, China and them to work on a song with Kevin in the studio that they somehow managed to come up with at the restaurant. Alex was proud of himself, he had kept his promise, and made sure that he stayed away from Jocelynn. But he couldn't help looking at her whenever he had the chance. Watching the way that she smile when someone made a joke, the way she moved on the dance floor. Everything was so simple but beautiful in the way she did it. He would just wait it out, wait for her to come back to him.

     "WHAT THE HELL!"

     Jumping up out of bed, Alex ran out of the bedroom into the hallway. Trying to find the source of the scream.

     "HELP!" He heard Kevin yell. Alex bolted down the staircase heading for Kevin's room, nearly falling down the stairs as he jumped down half way. When he made it to Kevin's room he knocked open the door only to see...

     "Oh, hi Alex." Jocelynn said as she, China and Kevin looked at him. Kevin had Jocelynn pinned on the bed as she tried to pass a black notebook to China. China quickly nabbed the book and tried to head out the door.

     "AJ get the book!" Kevin shouted to him.

     Holding out his arms to completely block the doorway, Alex grabbed ahold of China and quickly swiped away the notebook from her and took off running. Making his way up the staircase Alex saw Nick hurrying down the stairs, "Nick, keep China away from me. I have the notebook!" He cried out as Nick nodded and took a position of the staircase, making it so China couldn't come after him.

     The infamous notebook had been the hot topic of discussion during dinner earlier that evening. It was the source for all of Jocelynn's writing, songs, poems, random ranting. After shutting and locking the bathroom door behind him, Alex huddled into the tub closed the curtain and stared at the notebook, contemplating reading it. A part of him knew that he shouldn't, that is could be the final tear between him and Jocelynn, but something deeper with in him egged him into doing it. He opened to what seemed to be new writings at the middle of the notebook and began to read.

     Flipping forward a few pages he say 2 handwritings on a page and recognized Jocelynn's but couldn't figure out who's the other's was. The date was written at the top, it was from today. He read the words it looked to be a song, a duet.

          ~I try, but still I find that I am falling
          ~I smile, but inside you know I am crying
          ~This pain I feel remains deep inside
          ~As you look into my eyes and say goodbye

     A frown formed on Alex's face as he read on.

          ~Behind closed doors is where I find the truth
          ~It's hard to believe we fell off we never knew
          ~How did we let it get this so far gone
          ~I will still do anything just to see you smile
          ~And I would give it all up just to walk next to you for a mile
          ~So tell me what we have to do to make it back... home

          ~Cuz' I'm still here, for you
          ~Cuz I'm so in love with you
          ~And I would do anything just to hold you in my arms
          ~Do you still need me too
          ~Baby let this be true
          ~Don't let us leave things the way they are

     Closing to the book Alex held it to his chest, he knew who's writing now was along with Joce's. He had seen that penmanship alot over the past 13 years. It was Kevin's, and for once he hope that Kevin would be able to help Alex with this problem. Quickly Alex stood up at the sound of a knock at the door. Opening the door he handed the notebook quickly to Kevin who stood on the other side. Then Alex walked across the hall, locked himself inside the room and threw himself on the bed. Suddenly he remembered one of the quotes that he had seen on the inside cover of the book. And he could see Joce and himself talking in his mind.

     'Tell me what you want from me' - He could hear her ask.
     'I've got everything you need' - He sighed.
     'It's getting hard for me to breathe' She would answer back
     'Let me be your guarantee' - He whispered to himself in the dark.

     God, why do his songs keep coming up and biting him in the ass?