“Saint, I am so sorry that it’s come to this. I never thought Joe would use this in order to hurt me.” She apologized sitting on the couch in front of her son’s biological father. He stood in front of her with his one hand in the pockets of his jeans as everything she had just told him sunk in. He loosened his collar of the green button up shirt he wore as he thought about their failed affair.

          Their affair had lasted on and off for 3 months about 4 years ago that as far as they knew, no one ever figured out. They would meet up as often as possible sometimes 4 times a week, and always in secret. They even went as far as giving each other alias names, his being ‘Saint’ for his devotion to his family and friends; and her’s being ‘Angel’ for the onyx necklace she wore the first time they met. Even after the affair ended, she still called him ‘Saint’ in private when they discussed their son, it was her way of keeping his real identity separate from the situation, for she had a fear of accidentally letting his real name slip and the world finding out what they had tried so hard to conceal.

          But for all the effort they put into not being caught together, they forgot one slight thing. Birth control. And when she had first found out that she was pregnant she had tried to find Saint in order to tell him, but because of his job he had be unreachable fore near a month. When he finally made it back to Wisconsin it was already to late, for Joe found out the week before and pretty much dragged her to the courthouse for a quick marriage, wanting to claim Drogyn was his own. Joe went even as far as going to Joce’s grandfather, notifying him of Joce’s pregnancy to guarantee that Joce would go through with it, knowing that she would never go against her grandfather’s wishes. With her being married to Joe and with Drogyn’s real father having his own issues they had come to the decision that it was in the child’s best interest to be raised by Joce and Joe.

          But now as he looked down at her sitting on the couch, he realized that he had never stopped loving her, even now with her dating Alex and he having been through his own relationship’s ups and downs, he still wondered what if. What if he would have pressured for her to leave Joe to run away with him. It still killed him even now not to be able to acknowledge he son as his own, to not have been there during the pregnancy. Missing out on listening to the heart beat, seeing the baby on the ultra sound machine, and watching the woman he loved more then any other give birth to his son.

          Joce, however, had done everything she could to help him through that period, sending him copies of the ultra sound pictures, and sending him detailed letters to a private P.O. box, letting him know what the doctors told her and how she was feeling. Even sending him photos in the emails after Drogyn was born nearly every few days. But it did not elevate the pain of knowing that Drogyn called another man daddy, a man that he now knew was a complete bastard. But it was too late for what ifs; right now they needed to come to an agreement on the child.

          “Jocelynn,” He sighed needing to say her given name, “Are you sure that he doesn’t know who Drogyn’s father really is? That it’s me?”

          Nodding profusely Jocelynn stood up and walked over to a window in the back of the room, facing the private enclosed yard, “Yes, I am sure he doesn’t know. He just knows that Drogyn’s not his. I can’t believe he would do this to my son, to risk hurting him this way. Drogyn doesn’t know the difference, in his mind; in his heart Joe is his father. The factor that Joe is doing this… God Damnit, Saint! I could just kill him.”

          “What about Alex? Are you going to tell him, you know? About us?”

          “If Joe doesn’t go through with it then I don’t have to… but if he does… no, I can’t do tell Alex. He -he wouldn’t understand, you know that. Plus we couldn’t tell him without telling the others, and what then? No, if we are going to keep this a secret it has to be from everyone, Saint. ” Turning around she looked up at him. “If the paternity test is done, do you still wish it to remain that Drogyn never knows?”

          A sigh, “I made my choice when he was born. I wasn’t able to be a father then to him, and I know that would do more damage to you both now. And I don’t want to do that to you or our son.”

          Jocelynn walked up to him and ran her hand along his face, “You will never know how much I love you for giving me our son, Saint. And I understood then as much as I do now your reasons from keeping yourself from having a relationship with him. But I will admit, I hope that one day you will be able to have relationship with him. Even if no one else but the three of us know the truth.”

          Taking her hand from his face he kissed her palm, “You know that I love you still? Even after everything? I love you so much, Jocie-doll.”

          “Saint, Don’t - ” She chocked out as tears formed in her eyes.

          His heart turned at hearing her private nickname for him, “No, I will say it. If things could have been different, and I didn’t have other obligations, Damnit Joce, I would be there for you and our son the way you both need. The way that I have wanted to, but you are with Alex and I still…” He trailed off as he closed his eyes, “I still have things that I need to deal with.”

          A tear ran down her cheek as she looked up at him, “I understand, and you know I love you too. But like you said I am with Alex. And what I feel for him is something… I have never felt, with anyone. He is like a drug to me, an addiction that runs through my veins. We are connected in a way that is terrifying me.”

          “Does he make you feel the was I do? Does he touch your mind, your soul the way I can?” He asked in a whisper.

          “Yes, he can, not as strongly but he can.” Sighing she whispered softly. “I know it sounds weird. I mean, it’s supposed to be that there is only one for every person but… it’s complicated. You should know that. I, I need to go. Thank you for agreeing to keep this a secret. I don’t think Alex and my relationship could survive if he found out. Or anyone found out… I just need … we need to be more careful. This, us, can never get out; we need to be professional when we are together. I mean with this bullshit in the media and Alex’s own suspicions it’s too much… someone is trying to…”

          He cut her off, halting the words coming from her mouth as he pulled her into his arms and sealed their lips with a kiss, one that shock thru their bodies, their souls and the very world itself. He traced her bottom lip with his tongue, teasing it to open up and let him in. With a soft sigh escaping her mouth opened to him, allowing the invasion of his tongue. He found his heart pause for a moment while their hearts fused together, their kiss deepening till neither knew where one ended and the other began. Everything stopped around them. Alex, the tabloids, Joe, his own life, everything that was keeping them apart, all of it for that moment disappeared.

          ‘My Angel’ His voice softly groaned in her head touching gently like butterfly wings.

A shudder raked through out his body as her nails lightly scrapped his neck as her arms wrapped around him. Groaning against her lips he could think of nothing other then the delicious sensation of her fingers trying to grip his short hair that was not covered underneath his knitted cap. Quickly realizing the mistake they were making, he pulled away from her and released her from his grip. Taking a few steps back he gripped the back of the recliner that was to his right.

          Staring up at him, she could barely stand with out the support of the table behind her. Her lips felt bruised and stung as she traced her fingertip along them, letting out a frightened sound she turned away from him, running from the room. Joce quickly grabbed her sweater and threw it on and grabbed her purse. Right as she made it out the door, she felt his fingers grip around her wrist. Sending a burning sensation up her arm.

          “Joce, I am sorry. Please…” His voice pleaded in a heavy rasp. He looked into her eyes, silently pleading for something, something that either of them couldn’t give.

          “We can’t.” She answered his thoughts as she pulled from his grip and headed to the Blazer. She could still feel his lips against her’s, damn it to hell, this was just going to make things even worse. Jumping in the Blazer she started the ignition and pulled from the driveway. As she made her way through the subdivision, she pulled out her cell phone and turned it back on. Instantly it chimed to let her know she had a voice message. Flipping it open she held the ‘1’ button to activate the voicemail and listened to the messages.

            ‘You have 3 new messages. First message.’ The voicemail spoke.

          “Joce, it’s Gina. Damnit woman, answer your phone! I have called like 6 times. Well anyway the kids are home, and they brought Juaquin and Drogyn back safely with them. Ha ha. Anyway we are making pasta so if you could; pick up a bottle of wine for dinner. You know what works best. Talk to you later. Bye.”

          *Beep*

          ‘Second message’

          “What the fuck! Next time you use me in a lie to your sister TELL ME you dumb ass. And if you don’t know who this is I am going to kick you ass more then I already plan to! Where the fuck are you! And more importantly you better tell me why you lied to Gina because I fuckin’ lied for you! Bye.”

          Jocelynn winced at the message left by China. “Shit, I forgot to call her.” She muttered to herself.

          ‘Third message’

          “I know where you were this afternoon and who you were with. I saw what happened.”

          Quickly hitting the breaks, Jocelynn dropped her phone as she pulled to the side of the road. Her heart rate suddenly started speeding up at an alarming rate as she looked in her rearview mirror, trying to find anything that looked suspicious. But this was L.A. and everything looked suspicious since she hardly knew the area. Terrifying thoughts filled her head, each a different voice trying to be heard. Someone knew where she had gone? What if they had seen who and the kiss? Taking in a slow and deep breath she swallowed the large lump in her throat, telling herself that even if someone had seen her and whom she had met with, it was highly unlikely that they would know why she had been there. And as for the kiss, well there had been heavy drapes that no one could of seen through. Some what satisfied with convincing herself that it was nothing to really be worried about she stepped on the gas and headed for the freeway back towards Howie and Gina’s home, reminding herself to pick up a bottle of wine for dinner, and a bottle for herself later on that night.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

          He rolled over, reaching for her warmth, but found she wasn’t there. Sitting up in the bed, Howie looked around the room, straining to hear where she was in the house.

          ‘Gina?’’ His mind whispered to her’s. ‘Where are you?’

          But she did not respond, instead he heard music seeping into his head telling his where she was. Moving off the bed, he looked out the window to the back yard toward the pool house where Joce and Alex were staying. He could see a shadow move towards it, as the person walked up to the door of the pool house he reached for his cellphone in order to call Alex to warn him.

          ‘Don’t worry. It just her.’ A smooth voice brushed in his head, just as the figure came into the moonlight and a wealth of auburn hair shone as Jocelynn walked into the pool house.

          Curiosity came over Howie wondering where Jocelynn had come from. And as usual he knew where he would find the answer, heading out of the bedroom Howie headed for the studio where he knew Gina was. As he walked down the hallway the grandfather clock in the main hall chimed, telling him it was 3am. Whatever had Gina up at this hour had to be something important if it caused her lack of sleep. And when he walked into the private studio, he found his answer. Sitting at the controls, Gina was listening to the playback of one of Jocelynn’s songs, the look on her face showed she was worried. Howie shut the door behind him and listened to the music that flowed through the speakers.

          I’ve been searching for a thousand years/ Looking for someone to help dry these tears/ and in the silence of the night is wear I find my peace/

Until you are able to come and rescue me/ I’m not asking for diamonds or a house made of gold/They don’t give me the joy you love brings/ I’m not someone that is sold/ All that I want/ And all that I need /Everything and Anything to me/ I lost with you

          Gina stopped the track, staring in front of her at the empty booth, “I heard her, in my sleep. I could feel her distress. When I came down here, she was working on this track. She was so engrossed with it that she didn’t even hear me come in.”

          Howie didn’t know what to say, he was till too struck by Jocelynn’s voice. It was filled with such pain, heartache and anguish that he knew that it was pure raw emotion. He moved to stand behind Gina, laying his hands on her shoulders in support.

          “Do you think that she and Alex had another falling out tonight?” He asked as he kissed the top of her head.

          The long black hair shook from side to side, “No, this is something more. I think this has to do with Drogyn’s father.”

          “What, Joe? I thought she hated him.”

          “No, not Joe. Drogyn’s real father.” She said softly.

          Howie stiffened at the revelation that his soon-to-be wife gave, “Real father?”

          Gina sighed heavily, “Yea. And don’t get mad at her, Joe has always known that Drogyn was not his. In fact that trollish bastard used the pregnancy in order to get Joce to marry him, she wouldn’t have otherwise. She was too in love with him.”

          “You mean Drogyn’s real father? How did Joe use it against her, did he know who she was seeing?”

          “God no, I still don’t even know who he is or was. Joe went to our grandfather, telling him that he and Joce were expecting and since our grandfather is a strict catholic, he told Joce she was to marry Joe immediately.”

          “A Shot-Gun wedding.” He stated a-matter-a-factly.

          “A death sentence was more like it, but yes, a shot gun wedding. The only reason that Joce had been able to divorce Joe in the end was because she found him in bed with another woman, and she blackmailed him right back. Her silence of who the other woman was and he would give her, her freedom and they would be civil about the divorce and the child.”

          “Who was the other woman?”

          “It was their neighbor, who was married to Joe’s business partner, David.”

          “So what does this have to do with the song, and why you are up so late?”

          Gina turned around in her chair to look up at the man she loved. Howie always took her breath away with his love for her and their family and friends, “Because, Joe is threatening Joce with a paternity test. Saying that if she pushed for placement of Drogyn to move out of state, he would take the paternity test to the press.”

          “So in order to keep her near he will run her and the child’s names through the mud? Man, that guy is a selfish jerk.” He gritted as he pulled Gina into his arms, “What is Joce going to do?”

          “I don’t know. She is less worried about her name getting dragged out but the thought of her son getting pulled into a media war, it kills her. And with this tabloid shit about her and Kevin-“

          “Which is full of shit.”

          Gina continued, “I think that Joce might have talked to Drogyn’s father sometime today. Ever since she came back this evening she has been out of it. I think she still loves him.”

          Resting head against her’s Howie let it all sink in, “What do you know about him?” He asked hesitantly.

          “Nothing really, other then she called him ‘Saint’. I think it was more of an endearment then his actual name. After she turned 18 she suddenly was so happy. I at first thought it was because her and Joe broke up and she was done with school. But it was more then that, for about 3 or 4 months she would go missing at random for hours at a time. No one knew where she was or with whom. I followed her once and saw her meet up with some guy, I couldn’t see him clearly other then he was taller then her, but you could tell they were in love. They way that he held her, for a while I thought that they were even-“ She trailed off.

          “That they were what?” Howie asked, frowning.

          “That she had found her Amado. But then the next thing I knew our grandfather was telling me that Joce was marrying Joe immediately and that Joce was pregnant. Suddenly it was as if the life was taken out of her, and the only time she was happy was when it was about her pregnancy, but whenever Joe was around she would retreat into a cocoon. She was like a lost child for the longest time until she had Drogyn. That little boy pulled her back and into happiness. And then Alex added to her happiness.”

          Howie was silent for a moment, “And now?”

          “Because of Joe’s threat she is pulling away again.”

          “What do you think she is going to do?”

          “There is nothing she can do, he said he’d the papers and it’s going to court. Either way we look at it, Drogyn is going to lose the only father he has ever known.”

          “Joe is a real bastard that is for sure.” Howie snorted, unable to comprehend how someone would harm a child just for his or her own prideful gain, “He knew he wasn’t Drogyn’s father from the beginning, and now he wants to stop?”

          “I guess. And it’s put Joce in a situation where she has had to talk to Saint again.”

          “How are you so sure she talked to him?”

          Gina shrugged, “She is my sister. What you think that the mental link you and I have is all there is? No, the women in our familia all have that ability with familia. I know when Joce is lying, when she is happy, sad, angry and confused. And today I know she didn’t go out with China, I just played along with it so she didn’t feel like she was being put on the spot. And by the way she came home after meeting with ‘Saint’, I don’t think it went well. She was upset.”

          “Really? I didn’t notice.” Howie said startled.

          “You wouldn’t, she hides it especially when Drogyn is around.”

          “So what now?”

          “Now all I can do is hope this Saint loves her enough to let her go, because she is resorting into her cocoon once again. And I don’t think Alex can pull her out without knowing why she is that way to begin with.”

          “And it is unlikely that she will admit that to Alex after all they have already been through. I love Alex but when it comes to Joce he lets his temper get in front of common sense.”

          “Yea, well from what I have been told by Kara, that Alex’s temper with Joce ends up leading to some explosive sex that nearly shook her house down.”

          “Really?” Howie mused at the thought as he pulled her to stand in front of him, “Maybe we should try that. Two Hispanic tempers could lead to some mucho caliente love-making.”

          Gina laughed as he wrapped his hands around her and cupped her bottom in order to pull her close to his already hardened member, she tilted her head to the side, letting her black silk hair fall away from her neck, “Oh really? Well let’s hope the smoke detectors work, because I really have a bone to pick with you about a few things.”